It is April 23rd, 2012.
It doesn't matter where you are, what you have done, or what you plan to do... if you "feel" alone, you are. I have allowed myself to enjoy company which I do not require. I have allowed myself the comfort of company which is not necessary... even with company, I am alone.
If one were to explore history, to interpret right and wrong through out the ages, the never ending story that is history... what is next? What is accomplished within the short time you are here that history and your knowing has any effect on? These are just some of the questions one might have in mind.
This is negative, this is pessimistic, and I do not feel this adequately describes the "anything is possible" attitude for which I prominently support. But at times, being alone, feeling alone, can realign you with your true self.
What demands our time? What is most important to us if not that which we place importance upon? This is a revolution of the mind. Even as I find myself in another country, among people that appear to be different and yet similar in every way. I am, and I have never stopped being. I continually choose my focus and the direction I take here and now in the present. My thought process, the love, the pain, the struggle, and that feeling which leaves me to believe I am running solo... these are thoughts I fail to recognize, and it pains me to realize that no matter what I am, I will potentially feel this way until the day I decide to change my mind. Because this is internal, I chose to feel alone, to reflect upon the many thoughts and feelings I have had thus far in my journey.
I have existed in this world long enough to know that I choose these words, my actions are my own, and every ending is the beginning of my understanding every decision and it's inception. I learn, and I have full control.
Maybe if I spoke less and listened more? My response, "well, don't I do enough listening already?"
The truth of the matter is that I rarely have anything to say. I want to speak the words not yet spoken, I want to be the person I haven't yet realized myself to be, and I want to love. As life has presented itself as something I can only take in waves, I have yet to understand why I have sacrificed so much to simply be alone. Perhaps this is the consequence, and perhaps I haven't found myself the sort of motivation I need, the sort of love that doesn't require thought, only action.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
What is at the core of our... ?
We read the news, and although we're not entirely disconnected from the world around us, we know we're looking at pictures and reading words regarding something that has just happened, and in an entirely different country. But what does it mean when we are there experiencing the situation first hand? You would most likely walk away with an entirely different perspective on the matter.
Reflecting on everyday life is partly what makes me who I am. I will often ask myself, "what is at the core of our being?" This question is literally quite broad if you think about it. There is never one thing driving our every action, our lives are complex, and in reality there is much at the core of being.
Take atoms for instance, from what little I do know, it would appear that there is a balance in place. A cloud of electrons surrounding a nucleus of protons. There is an obvious balance here, atoms make up matter and matter is everything that occupies space. We occupy space, we are made up of matter, and we exist are in turn a part of that balance. I went off on a bit of a tangent, but the point is this, balance exists all around us. And I cannot wait for the day when I can write a book about it and deeply reflect on the subject.
When I think of balance and I think of what is at the core of our being, I go back to the basics. Clean food, water, and air to consume. What more is necessary? Shelter. But then life becomes much more complex. We either want or feel we need more, and our culture plays a role in this process. Perhaps it started at a young age, besides, repetitious behavior helps us develop habits, good or bad.
Should the question be, "what should BE at the core of our being?" We all choose our own focus, what is most important to us as individuals, our families, and so on. A part of me leaned toward religion as having the most influence, what is religion if not a guideline for everything that should or should not be incorporated into our lives? Religion inspires behavior, lifestyle, values, morals, and has influenced many people throughout the ages. For some people, religion is much more important that any possession, amount of money or any worldly thing. And because that, I have great respect for religion.
What else could it be? What else might we see as being at the core of our being? ...Love inspires. But what is love without hate, or peace without war? In this world, there is always some sort of balance, whether we agree with the laws of gravity or not, it continues to exist and so do we with all our desires, the will to do right, and not to forget our errors, our sins.
Reflecting on everyday life is partly what makes me who I am. I will often ask myself, "what is at the core of our being?" This question is literally quite broad if you think about it. There is never one thing driving our every action, our lives are complex, and in reality there is much at the core of being.
Take atoms for instance, from what little I do know, it would appear that there is a balance in place. A cloud of electrons surrounding a nucleus of protons. There is an obvious balance here, atoms make up matter and matter is everything that occupies space. We occupy space, we are made up of matter, and we exist are in turn a part of that balance. I went off on a bit of a tangent, but the point is this, balance exists all around us. And I cannot wait for the day when I can write a book about it and deeply reflect on the subject.
When I think of balance and I think of what is at the core of our being, I go back to the basics. Clean food, water, and air to consume. What more is necessary? Shelter. But then life becomes much more complex. We either want or feel we need more, and our culture plays a role in this process. Perhaps it started at a young age, besides, repetitious behavior helps us develop habits, good or bad.
Should the question be, "what should BE at the core of our being?" We all choose our own focus, what is most important to us as individuals, our families, and so on. A part of me leaned toward religion as having the most influence, what is religion if not a guideline for everything that should or should not be incorporated into our lives? Religion inspires behavior, lifestyle, values, morals, and has influenced many people throughout the ages. For some people, religion is much more important that any possession, amount of money or any worldly thing. And because that, I have great respect for religion.
What else could it be? What else might we see as being at the core of our being? ...Love inspires. But what is love without hate, or peace without war? In this world, there is always some sort of balance, whether we agree with the laws of gravity or not, it continues to exist and so do we with all our desires, the will to do right, and not to forget our errors, our sins.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Mente Fuerte ...continued
I can remember what I felt just prior to leaving my house for the airport on March 31st. I can remember feeling like I may not have packed everything, and I can remember reminding myself that I did not need everything nor anything at all. But, it helped to know what I would like to be prepared for, and for me, being prepared had everything to do with learning and documenting the experience. I wanted to jump into something unfamiliar, to feel lost, to adapt, and to leave knowing that I had changed in some way. And yet I had no idea how difficult the process would become for me, nor did I realize how much I would struggle just in the first few weeks.
I had to share my thoughts and experiences with everyone I knew. A post on Facebook got some attention and it read, "I'm starting to feel like I don't belong here. Estoy discontento, I'll just have to see what becomes of it." A friend of my commented and indicated that I was "over the honeymoon" and that I should "hang in there." Having surpassed that awkward feeling and having had time to reflect deeply to understand what it was I had been feeling, and what it was I desired was invaluable.
The title of the original post is adequately titled "Learning Spanish: mente fuerte" which translates to "strong mind." I genuinely believe that I have the sort of mental process that will at times cause me grief more than anything because I overanalyze and I am very hard on myself. In this particular situation, and most certainly right before I left my house for the airport the day of my departure for Mexico, I was scrambling. All the time thinking that I had not studied up on the culture, traditions, acceptable behavior and details such as these. The truth is, other students studying abroad may have had similar experiences, but there is a balance to be had.
I have been reading and had the opportunity to gain perspective that has allowed me to realize my situation. Much like counseling offers someone the perspective needed to see their situation for what it is, so have I had the opportunity, and the book I have referred to at this point in my journey is titled, "Maximizing Study Abroad by Paige, Cohen, Kappler, Chi, and Lassegard."
I have a saying, "anything is possible," but I also believe that perspective is everything. So, look for it, perspective is there and it aids the mind in deciphering new experiences, feelings, and so on.
I had to share my thoughts and experiences with everyone I knew. A post on Facebook got some attention and it read, "I'm starting to feel like I don't belong here. Estoy discontento, I'll just have to see what becomes of it." A friend of my commented and indicated that I was "over the honeymoon" and that I should "hang in there." Having surpassed that awkward feeling and having had time to reflect deeply to understand what it was I had been feeling, and what it was I desired was invaluable.
The title of the original post is adequately titled "Learning Spanish: mente fuerte" which translates to "strong mind." I genuinely believe that I have the sort of mental process that will at times cause me grief more than anything because I overanalyze and I am very hard on myself. In this particular situation, and most certainly right before I left my house for the airport the day of my departure for Mexico, I was scrambling. All the time thinking that I had not studied up on the culture, traditions, acceptable behavior and details such as these. The truth is, other students studying abroad may have had similar experiences, but there is a balance to be had.
I have been reading and had the opportunity to gain perspective that has allowed me to realize my situation. Much like counseling offers someone the perspective needed to see their situation for what it is, so have I had the opportunity, and the book I have referred to at this point in my journey is titled, "Maximizing Study Abroad by Paige, Cohen, Kappler, Chi, and Lassegard."
I have a saying, "anything is possible," but I also believe that perspective is everything. So, look for it, perspective is there and it aids the mind in deciphering new experiences, feelings, and so on.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Learning Spanish: Mente Fuerte
Never have I felt more inundated with new information, and my mind bombarded in a way that demands a new kind of thought process. I am typically a good student, I strive to be efficient, and yet here in Mexico, along with nine other students, I am sleep deprived and at times feeling behind.
What presumptions do students have prior to studying abroad? We all knew it was an intensive course, and yet have we subconsciously convinced ourselves that this is some kind of vacation? Sure, we need our social time, and we literally need days to explore, to see all the historical sites, visit all the restaurants, and see whatever it is we came here to see and be a part of. But where do we draw the line?
This is the end of week five, we completed our midterm exams, and we have five weeks remaining. We have visited the pueblo de Bernal in the state of Querétaro, Mexico. We hiked the worlds third largest monolith, experienced new food, learned a language and communicated in an entirely different manner than we were accustomed.
I turned in a combination of work that I hardly support due to a lack of faith in the quality of that work. And yet it is important that I step back and review the situation. I have in the past completed work that, according to my professors was, for a lack of better words... complicated. I have been told that I am strict, that I am challenging myself in ways that are not necessary, and that I am attempting to conjugate verbs in a way that we have not yet learned. With that said, allowing myself to slip-up and turn in work that I would have spent many hours completing and complicating in the process will suffice. And ultimately, I am happy with these results. I am happy to put forth the minimal effort and reap the benefits.
I have come to the conclusion that all this effort, all this time, and all this money must not go to waste. Other students have shared similar thoughts, and it's hard to come to grips with the fact that some of us may decide that the use of Spanish beyond this trip is not necessary. Well, I look forward to learning other languages, I look forward to challenging myself as I have never quite felt this challenge before in my life and I value every moment as I'm here in a foreign culture, struggling, and growing.
We have found ourselves without control, without the sort of ability we had back home where communicating was nearly effortless, and where beyond body language we knew a great majority of the words that were spoken to us. Now, in a situation where I personally struggle, I am knowing and not knowing every word spoken to me. I am tired and I allow myself to be frustrated. I have found myself having good days and understanding much more than I thought possible. With a smile on my face I have been delirious and I have been cranky. But I would have to say that this process of learning is humbling, it is the best opportunity to step back and ask yourself questions. How am I reacting right now? How should I respond? I don't understand what they're saying but their body language tells me more about the situation.
To be continued...
What presumptions do students have prior to studying abroad? We all knew it was an intensive course, and yet have we subconsciously convinced ourselves that this is some kind of vacation? Sure, we need our social time, and we literally need days to explore, to see all the historical sites, visit all the restaurants, and see whatever it is we came here to see and be a part of. But where do we draw the line?
This is the end of week five, we completed our midterm exams, and we have five weeks remaining. We have visited the pueblo de Bernal in the state of Querétaro, Mexico. We hiked the worlds third largest monolith, experienced new food, learned a language and communicated in an entirely different manner than we were accustomed.
I turned in a combination of work that I hardly support due to a lack of faith in the quality of that work. And yet it is important that I step back and review the situation. I have in the past completed work that, according to my professors was, for a lack of better words... complicated. I have been told that I am strict, that I am challenging myself in ways that are not necessary, and that I am attempting to conjugate verbs in a way that we have not yet learned. With that said, allowing myself to slip-up and turn in work that I would have spent many hours completing and complicating in the process will suffice. And ultimately, I am happy with these results. I am happy to put forth the minimal effort and reap the benefits.
I have come to the conclusion that all this effort, all this time, and all this money must not go to waste. Other students have shared similar thoughts, and it's hard to come to grips with the fact that some of us may decide that the use of Spanish beyond this trip is not necessary. Well, I look forward to learning other languages, I look forward to challenging myself as I have never quite felt this challenge before in my life and I value every moment as I'm here in a foreign culture, struggling, and growing.
We have found ourselves without control, without the sort of ability we had back home where communicating was nearly effortless, and where beyond body language we knew a great majority of the words that were spoken to us. Now, in a situation where I personally struggle, I am knowing and not knowing every word spoken to me. I am tired and I allow myself to be frustrated. I have found myself having good days and understanding much more than I thought possible. With a smile on my face I have been delirious and I have been cranky. But I would have to say that this process of learning is humbling, it is the best opportunity to step back and ask yourself questions. How am I reacting right now? How should I respond? I don't understand what they're saying but their body language tells me more about the situation.
To be continued...
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