Running Solo...

It is April 23rd, 2012.

It doesn't matter where you are, what you have done, or what you plan to do... if you "feel" alone, you are.  I have allowed myself to enjoy company which I do not require.  I have allowed myself the comfort of company which is not necessary... even with company, I am alone.

If one were to explore history, to interpret right and wrong through out the ages, the never ending story that is history... what is next?  What is accomplished within the short time you are here that history and your knowing has any effect on?  These are just some of the questions one might have in mind.

This is negative, this is pessimistic, and I do not feel this adequately describes the "anything is possible" attitude for which I prominently support.  But at times, being alone, feeling alone, can realign you with your true self.

What demands our time?  What is most important to us if not that which we place importance upon?  This is a revolution of the mind.  Even as I find myself in another country, among people that appear to be different and yet similar in every way.  I am, and I have never stopped being.  I continually choose my focus and the direction I take here and now in the present.  My thought process, the love, the pain, the struggle, and that feeling which leaves me to believe I am running solo... these are thoughts I fail to recognize, and it pains me to realize that no matter what I am, I will potentially feel this way until the day I decide to change my mind.  Because this is internal, I chose to feel alone, to reflect upon the many thoughts and feelings I have had thus far in my journey.

I have existed in this world long enough to know that I choose these words, my actions are my own, and every ending is the beginning of my understanding every decision and it's inception.  I learn, and I have full control.

Maybe if I spoke less and listened more?  My response, "well, don't I do enough listening already?"

The truth of the matter is that I rarely have anything to say.  I want to speak the words not yet spoken, I want to be the person I haven't yet realized myself to be, and I want to love.  As life has presented itself as something I can only take in waves, I have yet to understand why I have sacrificed so much to simply be alone.  Perhaps this is the consequence, and perhaps I haven't found myself the sort of motivation I need, the sort of love that doesn't require thought, only action.