The worst situation possible...and you can't run away from who you are.

I spent loads of money and went out of my way to try and lose myself in México. The idea of losing one's identity, one's persona, and establishing or realizing yourself under different circumstances, in a different culture, away from all that one may be familiar with is, I believe, appealing.

I journeyed to México with many ambitions, some of which... actually most of which I never fully planned or prepared for. This includes learning or better understanding the language, preparing for documentary work, video production, and viral marketing. I had big dreams coming down here, but little did I know how difficult it would be to pickup the language. I blame the multitasking, I blame all those things which I have put forth so much time and effort toward which perhaps provided me very little in the end. Life is sincerely busy back home in the United States, and I thought I escaped that, too. But I was wrong.

I am still a Father, I still pay child support, I still have bills to pay, I still need to find work while I'm here so I have money upon my return. I still have projects to consider and complete, research to be done, awards to be considered and won, people to talk to, fun to have, explorations and health to consider and maintain.

I am still human. I believe I have taken the ability to communicate for granted, and having been in customer service related work for over 14 years, I am surprised and nearly in shock as I find myself in the worst situation possible. I am the foreigner and no one understands me.

There have been plenty of situations here where I lost track of the conversation, lost sight of the context, and neglected to understand the meaning of the words and their combinations. The relationship two or more people hold as they share sounds from their mouths, movements from their bodies, and share eye contact is precious. Personally, I enjoy detailed conversations, knowing exactly what people mean when they refer to something specific using words I don't normally hear in combination with other words. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I can do this in español. The reason for my being here is to be able to do exactly that, to understand the meaning of words and their combination.

Is it really the worst situation possible? Most likely not. But, if you could imagine for a moment a situation where you don't understand other people and they don't understand you, you may as well be deaf. Because in this specific example, a person depends much more on non-verbal behavior. Of course non-verbal behavior accounts for 80% of our communication. And, an experienced sales person may tell you, "a job in sales requires 98% attitude, 2% detail." I had a sales job or two, and no one told me how dang important the 2% detail really was. Furthermore, I can tell you that whatever remains beyond body language is absolutely necessary.

I haven't been able to lose myself in this culture. Perhaps if I stopped talking and writing in english I would be successful. The thought has crossed my mind, and I am certainly considering it. I haven't been able to run away from who I am because I brought myself with me. I am an analytical SOB and it pains me to have to remind myself over and over again. My thought process lags, but I am specific and detailed oriented when I want it to be. I spend more time on homework than some people, and I have witnessed the laziness of others only to realize they've somehow found success in the process.

Just like any organized bin, drawer, closet, or kitchen, everything has its place. And I believe that as individuals we slowly sift through the hours of the day, weeks, months, and years to eventually find our place.